Love is that which surrounds and is equal to a person or things that are valued, loved and appreciated. It encompasses a whole range of positive and powerful emotional and mental states, from love’s most sublime virtue to the most intimate, personal comfort, to the easiest occasional pleasure. It is the feeling that gives you the strength and energy to face the next day with enthusiasm and determination, and with grace and confidence in all your relationships. It is the feeling that makes a person want to be around people, to share, to help, to laugh and to feel.
There are three essential forms of love, and they are not the same for everyone, or even for most people at one time. The first two are more common and are called “affection,” while the third is sometimes called “intimacy.” Most people fall somewhere between, and there are times when one falls completely behind the other. The forms of love are: physical affection, which can be physical in its highest form, ranging from cuddling, to holding hands, to lying next to each other in bed, to smooching. Emotional affection can be described as giving and receiving physical touch, cuddling, kissing and other forms of intimacy.
The physical affection we experience comes from our hormones, which are made in the body. These hormones are called “feel good” chemicals, and are usually released as a result of pleasurable events, such as falling in love, being happy, or having a good friend. We feel these chemicals in our bodies when we are happy, sad or scared, and they are also released when we are having an orgasm. Physical intimacy releases the “feel good” chemicals into the blood stream, and then the person who is experiencing it will crave more of it. This can lead to addictive behavior patterns and unhealthy relationship behaviors. It can also cause people to lose self control and have negative emotions towards their partner.
As you can see, the love may feel good from within the heart, but it can also have negative effects due to the addict’s addiction to it. One of the most common results of this type of affection is poor self-esteem. People who are highly dependent on their spouses or significant other have a very difficult time enjoying personal relationships and may even start to have feelings of desperation due to their inability to create the intimacy they need. They become suspicious and worried that their spouse or significant other might be having a fulfilling affair, and thus begin to have low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
Addicts will often use five love languages. Their primary language is the language of love they are communicating with their significant other. They may feel like this is what is important in their relationship, and thus try their best to make their partner feel loved through words and physical touch. They may feel like the only way to communicate with their partner is to engage in these actions themselves. They may also get upset when they do not get validation from their partner, and thus begin sabotaging their relationship in other ways.
An addict may begin to devalue himself because he is unable to give his partner undivided attention. He begins to worry that he is not making enough money for the two of them, and thus begins to try and convince his partner that he does not care as much as he used to, and is willing to move on with someone else if that is what it takes. This can work to either benefit or hurt the addict. If he feels like he is no longer of value to his partner, he may begin to look to someone else for that quality time. If he feels like he is valuing himself, he may feel like he needs to give his partner the attention that he thinks they are missing from him.