When you fall in love, your heart swells and you feel like the world is right again. You want to do everything you can to make it last. You think about that person all the time and want to spend every moment with them. And then there are days (or weeks or even months) when you don’t feel all that mushy-gushy in love anymore. But then, one day, you look at them and they make your heart flutter again, and you feel like this is it, you’ve found the one and life can only get better from here.
Throughout history, philosophers and religion have speculated about what love is. In the 20th century, the sciences of psychology, sociology, anthropology and neuroscience added to our understanding of this mysterious phenomenon. Still, scientists differ on how to define love. Some consider it a primary emotion, while others say it’s a complex combination of emotions.
Most people agree that loving someone means you’re committed to them, both emotionally and physically. You support them and are willing to help them achieve their goals. You trust them with your deepest secrets and are willing to share the highs and lows of your life together. You want to spend your days with them, laugh with them, and cry with them. You want to grow old with them, share your dreams and ambitions, and make memories together.
Many people also believe that to truly love someone, you have to give them space to be themselves and not try to change them. You respect their beliefs, values and choices. You know their flaws and forgive them for them. You show interest in their hobbies, and remember details about them to create a deeper connection. This is the kind of love that can stand the test of time, and it’s often a good basis for long-term relationships.
It’s also important to have a healthy balance between this type of emotional love and the more intense feelings of lust, attraction and attachment. The former is usually the driving force for most romantic love, while the latter is typically what drives the bonds between family members and friends.
Although there’s no definitive definition of what “love” is, researchers agree that it is an emotional state with biological roots. The hormones oxytocin, dopamine and neurotrophins, as well as pheromones, play a role in the way that we love others. Those chemicals trigger cognitive and physiological processes that contribute to our desire for love, as well as the negative effects of unrequited or unhealthy love.
While philosophers and religious figures have pondered the meaning of love, scientists are beginning to understand its role in our lives. For example, research shows that loving someone stimulates certain parts of the brain that activate when we see other people who make us happy.
In addition, there is a strong correlation between the amount of trust in a relationship and the level of love that is experienced. This is true whether it’s romantic, platonic or mutual. A lack of trust can lead to insecurity and dissatisfaction, while a healthy level of trust leads to happiness and stability.
