Love you — it’s a feeling, a concept, an idea, and a word that can mean different things to each person. It can be an overwhelming feeling of elation and awe or it can be a slow burning flame of commitment and trust. It can be the reason why you get up every morning and go to work or it can be what drives you to be your best self.
While it is true that a love of this magnitude takes work, some of us are not sure if we’re ready to make the commitment to say those magical words. Others are afraid to say it and fear the rejection that may follow, especially if they’ve been hurt in the past.
There’s no correct time frame in which to say it but therapists recommend that you spend enough time together and show that you have the level of commitment to one another that’s necessary to be able to declare your feelings without risking your relationship. “The right moment is based on the individual relationship’s evolution,” says Miami-based relationship therapist Sofia Robirosa. She suggests that couples re-discover each other by asking open-ended questions about their life goals, dreams and passions to gauge if they’re in a place where it is safe to say those three magic words.
Some people are more reluctant to say “I love you” than others mainly because they’re scared of being rejected and have been hurt in the past. Those are all valid reasons to be cautious but it’s also important to realize that those fears are not the end of the world.
In a healthy and happy relationship, both partners are willing to put in the work that it takes to keep their love alive, and that’s a great reason why you should say it when you feel it. It’s a sign that you’re willing to take on any challenges and obstacles that come your way. It’s a commitment to yourself and to your partner that the joys of loving each other far outweigh any hardships.
In a long term relationship, you should always be able to say those magical words and know that it’s a statement you truly believe in. That’s because a loving relationship isn’t just about the emotions that you experience, it’s a commitment of your heart to each other. And that’s a special kind of magic that you’ll never forget. — Mark McGrath, a Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the new book The Power of Love. He lives in Los Angeles, California with his husband and two children. He has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. You can find more of his writing on his website. Follow him on Instagram @MarkMcGrathLA. You can also subscribe to his podcast on iTunes or Stitcher! –This article was originally published in March 2017. It has been updated for clarity and accuracy.
