When it comes to love, there’s no shortage of advice. But most of it is conflicting, and often centers around the right time to say those magic words. Some experts suggest it’s after five dates, others after three months, and still others after a certain amount of physical intimacy. But every relationship develops differently, so these guidelines offer little guidance. Instead, it might be a better idea to focus on your individual needs.
For starters, make sure you have a clear understanding of what “love” means to you. It’s important to be able to differentiate between infatuation and genuine affection, because the two are very different. Infatuation can feel like a rush of adrenaline, while real love is rooted in mutual respect and trust.
Once you’re confident you know what love is, the next step is to find out what your partner thinks. This can be a difficult task because people’s definitions of love are subjective. Plus, some people are more cautious than others when it comes to expressing their feelings, especially if they grew up in households where it was rarely said or they’re scared of being hurt.
However, that doesn’t mean you should ignore your instincts. You can try to get a sense of whether they’re ready by asking them what love means to them or simply noticing how they treat you. But if you’re serious about making this move, you should also commit to getting radically honest with yourself and examining your own dysfunctional patterns.
Lastly, don’t freak out if your partner doesn’t immediately respond with “I love you” back. It’s probably not what you wanted, but that doesn’t mean they’re doomed for your relationship to fail. It could be because they’re afraid of commitment, or they may have a difficult history with other people who said “I love you” first.
On the other hand, it’s possible that they do love you, but they’re not yet ready to express it. In that case, it might be a good idea to give them some space and let them come to you when they’re ready.
Ultimately, you might not ever be able to pinpoint an exact moment when it’s the right time to say those magic words. But, if you can recognize the signs and make sure your expectations are realistic, you might be able to say them with confidence. And if you do, it’s likely that the two of you will be able to build a lasting bond together. Because love isn’t always cinematic; it’s more so a process of crawling into the dark dungeons of reality with someone, building connection, presence and trust over time. And in the end, that’s what really matters.
