Love is the most powerful and complicated of human emotions. It can make us feel joyful and excited, but it can also be stressful and distressing. It’s impossible to avoid the negative aspects of love, but there are ways we can help protect ourselves from the heartache it may bring.
When it comes to saying “I love you,” there are many opinions on the best time to do so, and no one answer is right for everyone. Some experts recommend waiting until you’re in a stable relationship before declaring your feelings, while others suggest that it’s better to say it earlier than later to prevent miscommunication or hurting yourself and your partner if things go wrong.
Even when you’ve said it, there is no guarantee that your partner will reciprocate the same feelings. Biological models of love rely on hormones like oxytocin and neurotrophins to drive the feelings, but psychology takes a more social and psychological approach.
For example, one of the most common reasons a person doesn’t say “I love you” is that they don’t know if their partner feels the same way. Some people don’t grow up in households where these feelings are discussed, and the uncertainty can lead to reticence in their romantic relationships. Others may experience a lack of passion or chemical attraction over time, and they might wonder whether their love is still there.
This is why open communication is so important. It allows you to re-discover your partner and to ask questions about their feelings. It also gives them the chance to tell you if they feel differently than you do, which can be helpful in finding a resolution or making an informed decision. Arango says it’s important to keep in mind that every person has their own interpretation of what love means, and trying to align your own subjective view with your partner’s can be disappointing if they don’t match up perfectly.
Moreover, it can be hard to differentiate between love and infatuation. Infatuation is associated with a high level of arousal, whereas love involves caring for another person and their needs. You may be able to identify a feeling of infatuation by wanting to be near the person all the time, obsessing over them or comparing their traits to your own. However, if they don’t treat you well or break your trust, it might be time to say goodbye.
It’s also important to remember that, as Shakespeare said, the course of true love never did run smooth. No matter how long you’ve been together, there are bound to be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings and disappointments that can lead to stress or distress. Having the ability to communicate with your partner and find ways to navigate these obstacles can make a huge difference in whether you end up happy, unhappy or somewhere in between. And in the end, it all boils down to whether you’re willing to put your heart on the line and say “I love you.” It may not always work out, but it’s something worth trying.
