Love you is a powerful feeling, but it can also be misleading. There is no one-size-fits-all definition of love, and it can be hard to tell whether you’re in the early stages of true love or merely the fling stage of infatuation. It’s important to gauge the relationship’s temperature before you say those magic words and potentially derail your progress as a couple.
Some researchers believe that love is a primary emotion like happiness or anger, while others see it as more of a cultural phenomenon that stems from an interaction between social pressures and expectations and secondary emotions. In the latter case, love would be considered a “complex emotion,” or a mix of different emotions such as companionate and romantic love.
Regardless of its definition, most people agree that love isn’t a fleeting state, but an ongoing commitment to another person regardless of the current circumstances. The key to a healthy relationship is trust, communication and understanding. When you truly love someone, you make sacrifices for them, like cancelling a fun outing to spend time with a sick friend or postponing your sun-drenched vacation because they need you at home.
In some cultures, love is viewed as more than just a feeling: It’s a way of life. A philosophy professor at Arizona State University explains that true love requires that you choose to be with someone even when things aren’t going perfectly and that you’re willing to put up with the fact that not everyone makes you happy all of the time.
When you’re in true love, a sense of connection and belonging is more important than the pleasures of the flesh, such as sex and intimacy. This type of love, referred to as platonic or companionate love, is often more fulfilling and long-lasting than passionate love.
Passionate love is intense longing, typically accompanied by physiological arousal (such as shortness of breath and rapid heart rate), while companionate love is affection and a feeling of closeness that doesn’t have that physical spark. A good test of this is when you can think about the person and feel a warm, fuzzy sensation, and their presence brings you joy and contentment.
The best time to say “I love you” varies depending on the nature of your relationship, but most experts agree that it’s never too soon to declare it if you feel it with all your heart. It’s also a good idea to say it when you’re sure that the person you love feels the same way, as a sign that your bond is more than just a superficial attraction.
