For many people, the words “I love you” mark the proverbial relationship crossing over moment. They can be a time of great excitement, but they can also be fraught with uncertainty. In fact, some experts warn that saying the words too soon can actually derail a relationship by increasing the risk of unmet expectations.
Trying to figure out when you should say those three little words can be a daunting task, but there is no set timeline for declaring your feelings for someone. However, some key clues can offer you a better idea of whether or not it’s the right time to say them.
One of the most important factors is examining your motivations for saying the words. “You need to be sure that you’re genuinely in love, and not simply looking for an escape from some other painful part of your life,” says spiritual thought leader and author Monica Berg. She suggests getting radically honest with yourself, dysfunctional patterns and all, about what you really want from this relationship.
You should also look at the person you’re in a romantic relationship with to see what kind of commitments they’re willing to make. For example, are they putting in the effort to get to know you? Do they listen with open hearts when you tell them about your needs, wants, and fears? This type of mutual submission is at the heart of true love.
In addition, you should consider what kind of physical affection they exhibit. Often, couples will develop certain pet names for each other, such as honey, hon, or sweetheart. These are all great forms of affection, but it’s important to switch things up every once in a while and use each other’s real name. It will show that you are truly invested in your relationship and that you respect each other’s unique identity.
Lastly, you should pay attention to how the person reacts to your declaration of love. If they become agitated, you might have to take it slow or reconsider how you feel about them. “If you’re in a committed relationship, and they express that they don’t feel the same way, it can be really upsetting,” says Mann.
Ultimately, the decision to say the words comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with. It’s not always easy to say them, but if you really mean it, then it can be worth it. It may not be the fairytale you’re expecting, but it could bring you happiness that surpasses anything else. After all, loving someone means committing to them with your whole self. This can be a hard thing to do, but it is the only way to truly grow in a relationship. So, if you’re ready to jump in and try it out, go for it! Just be prepared for the ups and downs, because that’s how true love works. Good luck, and happy holidays!
