Love is a feeling that is both intensely personal and highly individualized. This makes it hard to define, which is perhaps why some people struggle to say those magic words. There are many ways to express it. You can scribble it on a napkin after dinner, shout it across a soccer field or share it in a long embrace. But the most important thing is that you actually mean it.
Sadly, there are many ways that people misunderstand what it means to love someone. For example, some think that they love their partner because of his or her good looks or wealth or status. This is often a form of narcissism or selfishness that can be toxic to a relationship.
The truth is that loving a person is more about their character than their physical appearance. You love someone when you see them in troubled times and you try to help them through their struggles. You love someone when you put them before yourself, even if it means taking on more responsibility in the relationship or even giving up something that brings you satisfaction.
You also love someone when you feel like your life is richer with them in it. You look forward to spending time with them and you want your friends and family to meet them. You hope that the world will be better with them in it too, and you want them to make a positive impact on the lives of those around them.
If you’re thinking of saying “I love you,” it’s important to gauge whether your relationship is ready for it. “There is no set amount of time that indicates the right time to tell someone you love them,” says relationship therapist Sofia Robirosa. “It’s based on the quality of the relationship and how it has evolved over time.”
A major indicator that it might be too soon to tell someone you love them is if they don’t seem to reciprocate your feelings. Depending on the situation, this could mean that they are only feeling infatuation or that they’re not ready for a serious commitment.
It’s also important to remember that happiness isn’t always a feeling. Happiness is a state of being, and it stems from a variety of sources, including relationships with others, an active pursuit of goals, a healthy lifestyle and a sense of meaning in one’s work.
In other words, you can love someone deeply without ever uttering those three magical words. The real challenge is determining whether the love you’re feeling is authentic and sustainable in the face of life’s hardships.
To do that, it’s important to re-discover your relationship. This can be done through open-ended questions, like those in The Gottman Institute’s app. It can also be accomplished through activities that promote mindfulness and meaning, such as volunteering or exploring new hobbies together. It’s also helpful to understand what makes each other happy, which you can do by asking each other open-ended questions and listening attentively to the answers.
