The concept of love is a complex and elusive one. It’s been the subject of countless philosophical, religious, and psychological studies. Some researchers believe that it’s a primary emotion, while others claim that it’s more of an emotional overlay. Regardless of what you call it, there’s no denying that it can be electrifying when it’s felt and shared between two people in a loving relationship. But it’s not always easy to determine when is the best time to say “I love you”—you don’t want to scare them away, but you also don’t want to wait too long and miss out on an opportunity to strengthen your bond.
The answer to this conundrum depends largely on the circumstances and how long you’ve known the person. While many people say it early on, some hold off until they know for sure that their partner loves them back. A study of commitment in relationships found that women tend to be more likely to say it first. But saying it too early can be disastrous for a new relationship. It can create expectations and responsibilities that the person may not be ready to handle, and it could lead to feelings of resentment or even rejection if they’re forced into a commitment they don’t feel comfortable with.
In fact, saying it too soon can be a sign of infatuation rather than true love. Infatuation typically consists of feelings of excitement, butterflies, and desire that don’t always turn into lasting romance. The hallmarks of true love, on the other hand, include passion and intimacy. It’s a deep caring for someone that includes the quirks and shortcomings of their personality, says psychologist Zick Rubin. And it motivates us to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be.
Despite this, there will be days, or weeks, or maybe even longer, when you don’t feel all mushy and gushy in love with your partner. And that’s OK! But it’s important to remember that that doesn’t mean you’re not in love. In fact, a real relationship can still thrive if you stick it out through the times when your emotions aren’t at their peak.
Happiness experts are still trying to pin down what happiness actually is. Ultimately, it’s about living a fulfilling life that provides meaning and depth. It’s about overcoming difficulties and dealing with the hardships that come with being in a relationship, rather than running away from them. It’s about taking the time to appreciate the little things in life—such as waking up to a cup of coffee or holding hands during a walk.
When it comes to loving someone, actions speak louder than words. Personalized expressions of affection like leaving sweet notes or texting them good morning can be more powerful than just saying “I love you.” This can also show that you’re attentive and that you care about their happiness. It’s important to understand that each person experiences love differently, though, so it’s important to tailor your expressions of emotion to the person you love.
