Love is a complex emotion that entails more than just feelings of affection. It also encompasses empathy and respect for others as well as one’s own self. While scientists are making progress in understanding the physical signs of falling in love, it’s harder to pin down what exactly causes people to feel this emotional rush. It can be hard to distinguish between love and lust, friendship, or jealousy.
Often, the fear of being hurt by not being reciprocated or by being taken advantage of leads people to avoid expressing their feelings and instead resort to passive-aggressive behavior. In addition to avoiding putting themselves on the line, some couples also choose not to say “I love you” because they aren’t sure what that means for their relationship in terms of longevity and commitment. This type of grey area can create ambiguity and increase the risk of conflict in the long run.
Some researchers believe that love isn’t a primary emotion and instead is a combination of different emotions. However, others have made the case that love is a biological sensation similar to anger or sadness. In either case, it’s clear that this is a feeling that can change a person’s behavior and lead to greater intimacy in the form of attachments, ties, bonds or affinities.
People who fall in love often start imagining (or loosely planning) their future together and find themselves wanting to spend more time with the person they are in love with. They may also miss them when they’re not around. They will likely share life responsibilities, like chores and errands, and enjoy recreational activities and rest together, but they also give each other space for their own interests.
It is possible to be in love with more than one person at a time, and some experts even argue that it is healthy to do so. However, the emotions of romantic love are much more intense than those of platonic or familial love and will usually affect the couple’s daily life in a more significant way.
While grand gestures can help reinforce feelings of love, they are not always necessary. Sometimes, you can tell someone that you love them in the small moments—like when you return their favorite book with hearts drawn on the page or when you shout it to them across a soccer field after they’ve scored a goal.
In a loving relationship, both partners must be willing to compromise and work through difficult issues. During these times, it’s important to communicate regularly and to share open-ended questions about your goals, dreams and values. The Gottman Institute’s app has a helpful set of cards that provide couples with specific, open-ended questions to ask each other.
True love is not a feeling, but rather a choice to stay committed to a person who will not always make you happy—and who you know that you can rely on in the same way that they are reliant on you.
