Whether you’re in love or just starting to think it might be time to say the “L” word, the truth is that every relationship is different. And while some experts have defined love in specific terms, most agree that it is a complex emotion with several core elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. In fact, the American Psychological Association says that love is an essential human need. So when you’re ready to tell your partner how you feel, you’ll need to know how to read your partner’s cues and analyze your emotions to make sure it’s the right moment.
You’ll also want to decide how you’re going to express your feelings, as this will impact whether or not you’re able to sustain the relationship. While some people may find it easier to say it out loud, others may prefer to express their feelings in other ways, such as through physical gestures. If you’re not sure how to go about it, a dating coach can help.
And don’t be surprised if the person you love doesn’t say it back—that’s OK, too. As long as they mean it, and you’re both on the same page.
In the United States, saying “I love you” can be a big deal, but in other cultures it’s more relaxed. In France, for instance, the phrase isn’t as guarded and is used much more freely, Adeline Breon, a dating coach, writes in The Washington Post. And in Iran, it’s considered a formal step toward marriage.
Some couples, particularly those with children, might prefer to say it more gently than others. They’ll often use “I adore you” instead, which means the same thing without sounding so romantic. In other cases, the person might simply choose to leave out the I, as they want to maintain deniability in case they ever change their mind.
And finally, some people might use the phrase as a way to protect themselves from emotional abuse. They might say it to themselves, or even out loud, to remind themselves that they are lovable and worth the effort. The goal is to avoid being trapped in a relationship that makes you question your self-worth.
It’s also important to remember that love isn’t a fairy tale. It’s hard work that can be painful at times, but it is a powerful force. It can bind you to another person forever, and it can also cause you to grow as a person. So when you’re struggling with the “L” word, remember that it isn’t just a sentiment—it’s a choice to commit to a person who will make you unhappy at times and will require you to grow.
It’s a choice that will pay off in the long run, because a life filled with true love is worth it.
