Love can be hard to define. Some experts think of it as an emotion, while others believe it’s a combination of emotions and behaviors. Some even say it’s not an emotion at all, but rather a fundamental human drive. But one thing’s for sure: expressing your feelings can strengthen your relationship. It’s important to know when to say “love you” and to be able to recognize the cues that your partner is feeling the same way.
Whether you’re trying to figure out when it’s time for the big confession or just want to show your significant other how much you care, here are some tips from experts on how to tell someone you love them.
Experts differ on when to say “I love you” — some believe it’s best said as soon as possible, while others suggest waiting until the feelings have developed a bit more. Psychologist and relationship adviser Barbara Santini, for instance, says that if you’re certain of your feelings, you should let them shine through. “You should be willing to put yourself out there and risk being rejected, especially in the early stages of a relationship,” she says.
But it’s also important to remember that your feelings are going to change. You’ll have days — or weeks, or even years — when you aren’t all mushy-gushy in-love with the person you’re with. And that’s okay! It just means that you need to stick it out a little longer. In time, those feelings will return. “Like all emotions, love is a roller coaster,” says Santini. “There are going to be ups and downs, but ultimately it is worth it.”
According to relationship expert Scott Stanley, there’s no clear timeline for saying those three magical words. Some people feel ready to confess their love after three months, while others wait six or even a year. He suggests looking for signs of romantic interest, like making plans together, displaying affectionate gestures and spending time alone with your partner.
You can also ask your partner open-ended questions to get to know them better and build a deeper connection, like: What are your dreams for the future? What kind of family do you envision? And what are some things you’ve always wanted to do? Then, you can discuss them and decide if the relationship is moving in the right direction.
Kory Floyd, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, has studied the effects of expressing your feelings. He’s found that when you express your love for someone, you release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which helps to reduce stress levels. It can even help you sleep better and have a stronger immune system.
So if you’re ready to say “I love you,” go for it! It’s a great feeling that can strengthen your relationship. And don’t forget: Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
