There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, but a good rule of thumb is to say “I love you” once you feel like the relationship has matured enough to handle that kind of declaration. It’s also a good idea to wait until you know for sure that your partner loves you back.
Often times people say “I love you” too soon and are left wondering why the relationship isn’t working out. On the flip side, some people avoid saying it at all and miss out on the joys of a loving connection.
According to psychologist and Sex & Relationship Expert Barbara Santini, if you love someone you should be confident that it’s true and that your feelings are genuine. She believes it’s safe to say those three magical words once you have spent at least three months getting to know your partner and they have shown you that they are worthy of those words.
If you love someone, you should be willing to accept some of their flaws and take on the challenges that come with loving them. This is the most authentic and healthy form of love. “Love is not easy,” says Santini. “It can be very challenging, because it means putting your own needs aside for the sake of another person’s happiness.” It’s about accepting your partner as they are and supporting them to grow into the best version of themselves.
Love can be hard for some because it’s a complex emotion and it’s difficult to pin down exactly what it is. Some experts believe that love is a secondary emotion, which derives from primary emotions such as anger and sadness. Others, however, argue that love is a primary emotion in and of itself.
What’s more, love can also cause a lot of emotional baggage. Some people struggle to understand the difference between true love and lust, and they may confuse it with obsessive, uncontrollable feelings that aren’t based on deep care for someone else.
Santini notes that a person who claims to love someone may not be able to distinguish these two different kinds of love, or they might think that lust is the same as love. They might even have an idealised image of their partner in their head that doesn’t match the real thing.
It’s also possible to love a person without being in love with them, and many books, movies, songs and poems have been written about unrequited love. If you aren’t in love with someone, you might feel less need to be in their presence or to prioritise their needs above your own. If this happens, it’s important to communicate your own needs with them and to understand their preferred ways of showing affection. This is when knowing the five love languages can help: words of affirmation, physical touch, sending gifts, quality time and acts of service. Ultimately, a person you love will want to know that you value and appreciate them, regardless of how they show their feelings.
