When a loved one utters the words, “I love you,” it’s usually a moment that’s held near and dear. This declaration is often seen as a sign that a relationship has officially crossed over from infatuation to true love. And while it is a huge milestone, saying those two words should not be viewed as a guarantee that you’ll be happily ever after.
According to psychologists, sociologists, and researchers, the characterization of love depends on your individual perspective. Some believe it’s merely a physiological drive, much like hunger or thirst, whereas others view it as an amalgam of primary emotions. And yet others, like Scott Peck, believe that love is both altruistic and narcissistic.
Another factor that influences the definition of love is the amount of time you spend with the person who you’re in love with. For instance, some experts suggest that you’ve fallen in love if you are constantly thinking about the person and planning ways to be with them. Others, however, believe that it’s important to have a life outside of your relationship in order to experience the fullness of love.
In any case, if you want to be sure that your love for someone is genuine and not just infatuation, you need to show them some love. And this means making them a priority in your life and giving back to them whenever possible. This can include things as simple as preparing them breakfast in bed, helping them with their homework, or taking out the trash.
You also need to be honest with yourself about the nature of your feelings for this person. Are they platonic or romantic? Do you find them attractive or annoying? It’s also important to be aware of your own emotional triggers, and to avoid acting on a whim. For example, if you’re feeling a rush of emotion and want to surprise your partner with flowers, make sure that you can afford it before declaring love.
Finally, remember that your feelings for someone will change. There will be days, or maybe weeks, when you don’t feel all mushy and gushy. You may even think about dumping them at times. But this is all a normal part of the evolution of a loving relationship.
So if you’re ready to say, “I love you,” be sure to look inward first. Get radically honest with yourself about your own dysfunctional patterns and the way that you relate to people. And then, commit to a love that is both enduring and resilient. It’s a commitment to a person who will not always make you happy, and who will rely on you just as you will depend on them. And that’s a love worth celebrating.
