Love is a mysterious force that has dictated centuries of philosophy, poetry and literature. But it’s also a science, one that involves complex chemical reactions in the brain and body. From the initial “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that triggers the hormones adrenaline and norepinephrine, to the euphoria caused by flow of the neurotransmitter dopamine, to the commitment to a lasting relationship that supplies the body with flows of the hormone oxytocin, love is an adventure like no other.
But are these feelings all that love is? Is it simply an interaction of chemicals in the brain that cause us to light up around a person and experience a mixture of emotions like attraction, joy, fear and affection? If that’s all it is, then love seems like something we have as little control over as falling down a hole.
Fortunately, scientific research shows that there’s much more to love than just this whirlwind of emotions. Studies have shown that when we fall in love, our brains actually change physically. Our brain cells grow new connections and our immune systems may even be affected.
These changes occur because we’re wired for social interaction. In fact, the social bonding system is one of our earliest biological adaptations. It’s present in primitive invertebrates and even prokaryotes, which have been shown to interact dynamically with members of their own species for the benefit of the community.
It’s also no surprise that we humans are wired to desire close relationships that give us a sense of belonging and safety. These bonds help us feel safe to be vulnerable, and they increase our chances of survival by promoting social support and cooperation. They also give us the energy to pursue our goals and ambitions, as well as to take on challenges and hardships.
But if love is more than just a collection of hormones and neurotransmitters, how can we make sure our romantic relationships are fulfilling? To find out, we consulted the experts, including psychologists and neuroscientists.
The first step is to understand that love is an experience, not a feeling. “As a human, you have an internal locus of control,” says sociologist and philosopher Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. This means that while you can’t completely control your emotions, you can control your behavior. To get the most out of your love life, it’s important to know what you want for yourself and communicate that clearly to your partner.
Psychologists have developed a model to help us better understand the different kinds of love. It’s based on Sternberg’s triangular theory, which suggests that there are seven different types of love. These include liking, infatuation, friendship, companionship, empathy, attachment and unconditional love. Each of these is distinguished by which domain it’s in, and each has its own unique features and benefits. For example, the kind of love that parents feel for their children is rooted in empathy and attachment while loving friends can be characterized by passion and affection.
