There’s arguably no more significant early relationship milestone than saying “I love you.” It signals not only intense emotion but also commitment and willingness to move forward with the relationship. It’s a huge deal, especially considering the fear of not being reciprocated that causes many people to hold off on declaring their feelings until they’re absolutely sure.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to saying those three words, but most experts agree that it’s a good idea to spend at least three months with someone before uttering the phrase. This is the amount of time that it takes to get to know a person’s character, habits and quirks, and a true sense of what kind of partnership they might be capable of.
During this period, it’s important to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page about where the relationship is headed. “If you love them and they don’t feel the same, it’s not the right time to say it,” says certified international executive matchmaker Alex Mellor-Brook, who believes that it’s crucial that your partner knows that you’re serious about them and can rely on them, too. “You can’t expect to be loved back if you’re going to play games with the emotions,” she says.
The truth is that the concept of love is highly subjective and varies from person to person. There are various ways to define it, including:
Companionate love: This form of love involves trust, closeness, and empathy for others. It’s what most people think of when they imagine falling in love.
Passionate love: This type of love is characterized by feelings of longing and attraction. It often includes idealization of the other person and a desire for constant physical closeness.
Unrequited love: This is a painful type of love that occurs when one person loves another and the other does not return those feelings. Some scholars have broken down love into seven different types, based on the colors of the rainbow.
Some researchers believe that love is a basic human emotion, similar to happiness or anger, while others think that it is a cultural phenomenon. The latter theory is based on the idea that love is a social construct that has evolved over time, and it’s influenced by culture, expectations and hormones.
The way that we show our partners that we love them is a reflection of our personalities and values. For example, some people are more inclined to show their loved ones affection through actions, such as giving gifts, taking them on romantic dates or writing notes. Others are more apt to express their feelings verbally through things like text messages and phone calls.
Ultimately, the best way to know when it’s the right time to say those three words is to listen to your heart and be guided by your instincts. Just be careful not to confuse love for lust, which is a feeling of strong attraction and fixation that can disappear quickly. Instead, focus on building connection, intimacy and trust in your relationship over time, and remember that real love is more complicated than a Hollywood-worthy love story.
