Whether it’s a bond with family, camaraderie with friends, or the butterflies of romantic feelings, love enriches our lives. It binds us to others, gives strength in hard times and needs our care and attention to flourish. But despite its importance, many people are afraid of saying or hearing “I love you” for fear that their partner won’t reciprocate. Others worry that they will say or hear the words and then turn around and behave in a way that suggests they don’t really mean it.
These are legitimate concerns, but they shouldn’t stop you from expressing your love for someone else. And you should know that it’s not just your own feelings that are at stake; studies show that when a person says “I love you,” they have a greater sense of security and happiness in their relationship.
It can also improve their health. Research from Arizona State University found that expressing positive emotions for your loved ones, such as love, decreases stress hormones and supports a healthier gut microbiome. And because most of your immune system and your gastrointestinal tract reside in the gut, it’s important to maintain a healthy gut microbiome for overall well-being.
A loving relationship also can reduce your blood pressure and boost the activity of genes that protect against aging and heart disease. In addition, it can even lower cholesterol levels and relieve back pain.
However, there is one big caveat: Not everyone has the same definition of love. Some scientists believe that it’s a secondary emotion that arises from primary emotions such as anger or sadness, while others consider it an essential human trait. In fact, some researchers like Scott Peck disaggregate love into two different components, altruistic concern for another and simple narcissism.
Some experts also believe that a person who loves you isn’t necessarily going to express it with words. They may show their love through actions, such as helping with chores or providing emotional support. They could also share small acts of kindness, such as holding hands or giving a hug. Other behaviors that may be indicative of love include being empathetic and listening attentively. In contrast, controlling behaviors, such as monitoring activities or possessiveness, aren’t considered to be loving.
But the truth is, it’s not always easy to tell when someone’s love for you is genuine or not. You may feel it deep down, but you may be unsure how they’ll respond or if you will receive the same feelings in return.
Some people are hesitant to say “I love you” because they don’t want to rush their partner into a commitment they aren’t ready for. But the truth is, the most enduring love isn’t about how quickly or slowly you move forward in a relationship, but whether or not you are willing to work every day to make your relationship stronger. And that means making a conscious choice to be loving. It’s a choice that can change the course of your life.
