Love can take many forms, from the bond with family and friends to the butterflies of romantic feelings. It enriches our lives and needs care and understanding to flourish. But when is it time to say, “love you?” It’s a question that’s different for everyone, as the timing of saying those three little words is a personal matter. But there are a few key clues that can offer some insight as to when you might be ready to express your feelings.
One way to gauge whether it’s the right time to say “I love you” is to watch how your partner responds, says Miami-based relationship therapist Sofia Robirosa. If you notice a change in how they treat you or in their actions towards you, it could be a sign that the relationship is moving toward love and commitment.
However, Robirosa cautions that it’s important to differentiate between “love” and infatuation. She notes that while someone who is infatuated with you may treat you very well, it may not be the kind of love that will last a lifetime. “When you love someone, they should be a source of joy in your life,” she says. “And if they aren’t, you shouldn’t say the words until they are.”
Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian[clarification needed] drive, similar to hunger or thirst. Psychologists, on the other hand, look at love as a complex human emotion that can be both altruistic and narcissistic.[26] For example, some Western authorities have disaggregated[27] this concept into two main components: “concern for the spiritual growth of another” and simple narcissism.
It’s also possible to fall in love without ever uttering those three magic words, especially if the feelings are deep and long-lasting. Some people might never feel comfortable saying it, for example, if they’ve been hurt by past relationships or they’re concerned that their partners won’t reciprocate their feelings.
A lot of love can be expressed without those three little words, from helping with a chore to planning an adventure together. And of course, there’s always a chance that the person you love might feel the same way about you.
But before you decide to say it, psychologists warn that you should take a long, hard look at your relationship. Getting radically honest with yourself isn’t easy, but it can be a powerful step toward making the right decision.
Once you’ve done that, there’s no set timeline for when to say “I love you.” If you feel a wave of passion for a person and it’s clear that they share your feelings, go ahead and tell them. It might be the best gift you can give them. And remember, a true love is a constantly evolving experience. There will be days, maybe even weeks, when you don’t feel mushy-gushy in love. But if you stick it out, it’ll come back, a little stronger and deeper than before.
