Love is a powerful emotion that brings us together, enriches our lives and provides support during tough times. It can be hard to pin down, but it’s also a universal experience that is celebrated by many cultures across the world. Whether it’s the bond with family, the camaraderie of friends or that special someone, love is one of the most complex and fascinating aspects of human life.
But is loving someone a feeling like excitement, attraction or affection really all that it takes? Many thinkers throughout history have pondered this question, and most agree that there’s more to it than hormones and neurotransmitters. “If you understand love purely in terms of the feelings it stirs up, then it’s a force that is beyond your control – you have as much control over falling in love as you would over accidentally jumping in a hole,” says philosopher and author of ‘A Philosophy of Love’, Daniel Velleman.
There are many different types of love, ranging from infatuation to romantic love to the deep affection that’s shared between parents and children. And a lot of these differing forms are actually based on the same physiological process, with chemical reactions in the brain that affect our thoughts and behaviour.
For example, infatuation is a strong feeling of attraction without commitment and is associated with a rise in blood pressure and dopamine levels. Romantic love, on the other hand, is associated with lower blood pressure and oxytocin levels and is linked to a sense of security and belonging. Love between a parent and their child is associated with trust, empathy and a desire to provide for the other person.
Some people define love as a feeling of attachment, which can manifest in ways like wanting to be near your loved one and wishing they’d make time for you. It can also be seen in the desire for physical contact and the need to be approved of. Empathy and a fast-growing attachment can fuel the desire to help your loved one in any way possible, even if it’s sacrificing your own needs.
Others define love as a set of virtues that includes respect, empathy, vulnerability and honesty. You can see this in the way parents often sacrifice their own well-being to care for their children. Or in the way a friend stays committed to a loved one with destructive habits.
The ancient Hindu philosopher, Narada Bhakti Sutra, distinguished nine different types of love, including bhakti (devotional love), kama (attachment) and karuna (compassion). He believed that true love is not just about giving to your partner but receiving as well. That can be a challenging balance to strike, but it’s an important goal to strive for in any relationship. Ultimately, though, you have to figure out what type of love is right for you and your partner. And it’s certainly worth trying to work out a way of loving that will bring you both joy and peace of mind in the long run.
