There isn’t much in the way of human emotions that rival love. It’s a feeling that brings joy, happiness, and security. It’s also a behavior that requires care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection and trust. Psychologists, sociologists and researchers disagree somewhat on how to characterize love and what it involves, but most agree that it’s more than just an emotion. Some even believe it’s not an emotion at all, but an essential physiological drive.
Many people struggle with saying “I love you” to those they care about, but it’s important that these words are heard, especially in a romantic relationship. Saying it at the right time can make a big difference in your relationship and how you feel about each other. But how do you know when it’s time to say those three little words?
While it may seem obvious, the first step is to gauge the temperature of your relationship. “If you are in a cohabiting situation where the intimacy dips frequently, or if you haven’t had the chance to discuss long-term plans or goals, then it might be premature to confess your love,” says Jenn Mann, a psychotherapist and host of VH1’s Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn and author of The Relationship Fix.
It’s important to find out if your partner is ready for commitment and will reciprocate that love. It can be helpful to ask your partner open-ended questions about their dreams and goals for the future, such as, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” “What are your hopes and dreams for our relationship?” and “What is the most important thing I can do for you?”
Once you have determined that it’s time to say those three little magical words, don’t just blurt them out. Take the time to tell them how you feel. Do it in ways they will notice, such as putting their hand on your shoulder and looking into their eyes, or grabbing them tightly when you walk by them. Don’t just say it to your spouse while you’re in the grocery store or when they’re on a phone call, say it after dinner when they have a big accomplishment or after you play a game of catch or soccer together.
It’s also worth noting that while married couples often develop pet names for each other, such as calling their spouse “baby,” “honey” or “sweetie,” it’s good to use your real name at least occasionally and call them by theirs. This shows that you’re truly speaking to them, and not just to their personality traits.
