When we think of love, we imagine passionate, euphoric feelings that make our hearts pound and our palms sweat. It’s an emotion that is both complex and powerful, transforming us and our relationships. And it isn’t static — it can shift and change over time, from the highs of passion to the crushing lows of jealousy and longing.
While some scholars see love as a biological drive, like hunger or thirst, others view it as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. Regardless of how love is defined, researchers agree that it’s influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and dopamine. A 2012 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that people who fall in love tend to focus more on the person they’re dating than on themselves, even when those traits are less likable or desirable. In addition, a potential union that satisfies general social norms or is well-accepted within one’s social circle can contribute to falling in love.
A study of 55 parents in committed relationships found that, when they listened to recordings of scenarios involving love for romantic partners, children, friends, pets and nature, brain areas associated with reward and attachment lit up as they imagined the situations. They also heard a recording of a scenario that wasn’t about love, and the brain activity was no different. This suggests that loving someone requires an active imagination, which is supported by a study that shows that people in love are better able to recall their memories of that person.
Love is often described as electric, elated and arousing, but it can also be suffocating, demanding and insecure. It can also cause wild emotional swings, which is why some people avoid it altogether. During the Enlightenment period, when ideas of reason and individuality began to spread, many men and women fell out of love with their spouses, lovers or friends and opted for political marriages and alliances instead.
When we love another person, the ventral tegmental area of the brain floods with dopamine and creates a rewarding sensation in our bodies. This is what makes us addicted to the person we’re in love with — even when they aren’t necessarily good for us. In fact, the dopamine rush can be similar to how cocaine addiction affects the brain.
A deep emotional and intellectual connection is one of the key features of true love, as is the ability to accept the other person for who they are and understand their flaws. It’s an emotion that requires effort and mutual respect, but it can be extremely fulfilling if both partners are willing to work at it. It isn’t always easy, but with dedication and open communication, it can withstand the tests of time and distance. And if it’s a good fit, it can last for decades. Just be careful not to confuse this form of love with infatuation or lust. It’s not the same thing at all.
