When you say “love you,” it can be hard to know what you mean by those three words. Often people use those words in a generic sense, without really knowing how to express what they feel in a way that makes it meaningful and true. Those who know what it means to love someone will not only be able to tell their partners, but will also be able to show how much they care by their actions and their daily routine.
This is especially true of love for family, friends and pets. In fact, according to an article published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, if you spend time with your furry or feathered friend and show them that you are interested in their lives and well-being, they will likely reciprocate by showing more affection in return. This is because loving those close to you can be a powerful source of positive feelings and can actually increase your lifespan.
If you are thinking about saying “love you” to your partner, it is important to take the time to assess the relationship and make sure that you are ready to commit to it in that way. There are many reasons why you might want to wait, including that it may be too early in the relationship; that you might only be using those words as a filler for silence or a way of avoiding awkwardness; that you might be hoping for something in return (like sex); that you might be feeling lust instead of love; or that you might not be able to reciprocate.
The difference between loving someone and being in love with them is that loving a person is about accepting them for who they are, even the things that you might not like, such as their messy house or messy kitchen, says psychosexual and relationship therapist Sarah Calvert. Being in love with a person is a more dramatic experience and there are plenty of books, movies and songs that describe unrequited romantic love.
Some people may have a more difficult time expressing their emotions and therefore, find it easier to use the generic “love you” rather than a more specific expression of emotion. It could be that they simply don’t have the vocabulary to express what they feel or it may be a reflection of their communication style, which may favour more terse styles over long winded and emotive ones.
In any event, don’t freak out if your partner doesn’t say “love you” back, says spiritual thought leader and chief communications officer at the Kabbalah Centre Monica Berg. Instead, she suggests getting curious and asking your partner why they’re not able or willing to respond in that way.
This Valentine’s Day, take some time to re-discover your relationship by putting your loved one’s needs ahead of your own. Try asking them open-ended questions such as, what are your goals for the future? or, what was the best part of your day today?
