When you love someone, it’s a feeling that changes the way you see the world. It’s about being close to them, caring for them, and wanting the best for them. It’s also about doing things for them that don’t feel like obligations—sharing T-shirts, playlists, appetizers. Love can be beautiful, heart-wrenching, and painful all at the same time.
It’s a complicated emotion, which is probably why experts aren’t always on the same page about what it means. Some researchers believe that love is a basic human emotion, similar to happiness or anger, while others think that it’s an essential physiological drive. Still, one thing is for sure: Everyone has experienced it at some point in their lives.
Some experts suggest that there are several different kinds of love, based on their definitions of intimacy, passion, and commitment. For example, romantic love involves a deep emotional connection with another person and often involves sexual attraction and desire. Playful love, on the other hand, is more of a fleeting feeling that may not last. And compassionate love, a spiritual concept described in the Bhagavata Purana and works by Tulsidas, involves feelings of empathy and compassion that impels you to help others.
How do you know if you’re in love? While some people are more sensitive to love than others, the truth is that you can usually tell by the things that your loved ones do for you. You might notice a change in the way they treat you, or how they look at you. They might show affection by holding hands or kissing. They might even go out of their way to make you happy, like buying you a nice dinner or surprising you with tickets to your favorite band.
Those behaviors may not mean much to you, but your partner will likely see them differently. A study of relationships found that small gestures—such as holding hands, cuddling, and showing compassion—were the most common indicators of love. However, possessive behavior—such as monitoring activities or trying to control a person—was a less-loving sign.
As for when you should say “I love you” for the first time, there’s no real timeline. Some people are comfortable saying it after a few months, while for others, it might be too soon. It’s important to read your partner’s cues and to assess your feelings of passion, intimacy, trust, and commitment in the relationship before making a decision.
Interestingly, some men are more likely to be the first to say those magical three words. This might be due to the traditional expectation that men take the lead in romantic relationships. Or it could be because women want to be reassured of their feelings with a public declaration of commitment. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that what makes love unique is its flexibility and adaptability. It’s about expressing how you feel in a way that will be meaningful to your partner. So say it after you return their favorite book, with hearts drawn in the margins. Or shout it across a soccer field after you’ve scored a goal.
