There’s no set timeline for when you should say “I love you.” But, while it may take a different path for everyone, some clues can help you figure out when it’s right for you to express your feelings.
For example, if you’re still confused about what love is, it might be too early to confess your feelings. That’s because the love you feel in the beginning of a relationship is often infatuation rather than true love. Infatuation is characterized by a feeling of intense attraction and fixation accompanied by physiological arousal, while love involves a deep sense of intimacy and closeness.
Also, if you’re not yet at the point of wanting to build a life together with this person, it might be too soon to tell them how you feel. The idea of building a future with this person is a big commitment, and it may take time to get to that point.
One key sign you may be ready to say “I love you” is when you’re starting to show your partner that you care about them beyond the superficial things, like their sex appeal or their ability to cook a meal. This could be as simple as telling them that you appreciate their idiosyncrasies—like how they wear their hat or the way they sip their tea. This is the kind of love that can stand up to tests of time and change because it’s based on caring for the person as they are, not as you want them to be.
It’s also important to be able to distinguish between romantic and companionate love. A romantic love is fueled by sexual desire, whereas a companionate love is based on the feeling of closeness and mutual dependence. Both can be strong emotional forces, but a lasting love can only be built on a foundation of mutual respect and care.
While it’s possible to fall in and out of love, real, lasting love requires effort and dedication. It can diminish over time due to a variety of factors, including life changes, misunderstandings, and personal growth. But, with work and communication, it can also deepen.
That’s why it’s so important to make sure you know what love is, and that you’re expressing your feelings in ways that will help this type of love thrive. You can start by getting radically honest with yourself and looking at your dysfunctional patterns, suggests spiritual thought leader and chief communications officer of the Kabbalah Center Monica Berg. Then, you can start to look for signs of love in your partner’s behavior—like how they treat you, how devoted they are to their family or career, and the countless little things they do that you admire. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find that special person and share the magic of love with them.
