Love you can be a tricky phrase to say, especially if you’re not sure whether your partner really means it. A lot has been written about unrequited love and anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that it’s not always a happy ending. Some people don’t like saying “love you” at all and others are cautious about using the word too early in a relationship. But how do you know when it’s time to say it?
A person’s use of this phrase can be an indicator of their emotional intimacy with you. For example, someone who says ‘love you’ without pause or with little fanfare may have a high level of emotional intimacy. This is a good thing, but it doesn’t guarantee that they will be able to handle the tougher aspects of loving you such as cleaning up bodily fluids or dealing with your annoying habits like leaving dirty dishes in the sink or forgetting to pick up the dry cleaner’s bill.
Other people might be cautious about saying it because they’re afraid of getting hurt. In this case, you’d need to be a bit more careful in interpreting their behaviour, and it would help if you could figure out what makes them tick. Sarah suggests looking at how they express their affection for you, such as by verbally praising you or giving you gifts. It can also be helpful to understand their love language, as defined by relationship expert Dr Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages. Chapman defines the love languages as words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, quality time and acts of service.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what you want from your relationship and how much risk you’re willing to take with it. If you’re comfortable with the amount of work that love requires, then by all means go ahead and say ‘love you’ – but remember, it’s important to weigh this against your own personal happiness.
Many people who say they’re in love are actually just infatuated. Those feelings of lust and attraction are swept up by hormones, and it’s easy to confuse them with real love. But building love, which implies emotional intimacy, takes a lot of work.
Some people simply prefer to use the term ‘love you’ as a casual way of expressing their feelings, particularly when they’re communicating online with friends or family. This reflects their preference for a more terse and direct communication style, as well as their own cultural values around the idea of casual love.
Overall, the most successful people are those who embrace their individuality and are comfortable being themselves. They’re also honest with themselves and others, and they don’t feign emotions, beliefs or attitudes that aren’t consistent with their own personal truths. The people who are happiest are those that live beyond their egos, and contribute to the well-being of other humans, animals, or even the environment. So if you’re in love, make it count and be the person that brings out the best in others.
