A powerful and meaningful experience that brings two partners together, making love is a combination of many elements. Aside from the obvious physical and sexual aspects, it also reflects tenderness and adoration. This is what distinguishes it from kinky sex with a stranger or even a casual fling. It can be hard to feel the connection needed for making love if you are not in love with your partner or you have other stressors in your relationship outside of the bedroom.
You can take steps to help make your lovemaking more intimate, but you have to be open and honest with your partner about what you want. You can begin by expressing what romance means to you, and then bringing that into the bedroom. For instance, you could talk about how much you enjoy having your hair and shoulders rubbed or stroked before and during the act. You can then use your touch to create that feeling for your partner.
As you get more experienced in making love, you can move closer to your partner during the act. This can be done by using your hands and fingers to explore their bare skin, or by kissing them. Some couples also like to whisper soft nothings to one another during or after the act.
When you are concentrating on making love, it can be easy to lose track of time and get lost in the moment. Make sure you set aside enough time for the experience and make it clear to your partner what your expectations are. It is also important to make the space and environment appropriate for the activity. A quickie in a public restroom is not going to cut it. The lights should be dimmed, and you might consider scented candles, a nice bottle of wine, and sexy lingerie to add a sensual element to the experience.
Getting aroused is a big part of making love, and you can try to trigger your partner’s interest in you in a variety of ways. You can start with slow, gentle touches, and gradually increase the pressure and intensity. Stroke the head of his penis, gently kiss him on the lips, or put your hand up on his back to show that you are there for him. You can also play with his hair, playfully brush against his stubble or beard, and even tie him up to give him a taste of dominance.
Whether you are already in love or not, learning how to make love can bring new depths of intimacy and happiness to your relationship. The more you make it a priority and take the time to create the right environment, the better your relationship will be. For more tips, see our article about creating the perfect romantic atmosphere for making love and our comprehensive guide to sex and intimacy in relationships. Also, check out this book by psychologist and couple’s therapist Nic Beets and co-author Verity Thom: Make Love Work: The essential bible for making your relationship the best it can be.